Author: crystaltipps

80s special: October’s a fest

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Welcome to October! I may have backdated this by a few days as it was written in September..then my internet decided to crash! But here it is: my 80s fashion special, just in time for winter. It is mostly serious, but please remember that I don’t take myself too seriously and you can still find me in Primark. ALSO, following on from last month, you can find my interview with Neon Indian for The 405 here.

Head Over Heels for the 80s

Most of the time, I wish I’d been born just a few years earlier. Of course, I mean being born into a parallel 1980s where there was the internet, and no Berlin Wall… So, I’m going to write a seasonal guide to being an 80s child in the horrible 2010s, and if you dont care then I have this to say to you:

Truly the best song of the year. But anyways, I digress:

1 – Wearing an abstract print = edgy, but not ridiculous (please don’t think/say Nathan Barley). Vintage shops, the internet, parents and Urban Outfitters provide us with such wonderfully 80s threads – perfect for a trip to the library to do something 80s like read Bret Easton Ellis novellas and drink iced lattes. This is rebellious because of the possibility of *whisper it* getting water on a book. In all seriousness, though, this is a look which works. It doesn’t just work a 9-5 job to feed it’s kids, it also works overtime and moonlights as a dancer; I say this because it can carry any look into the evening. Guys can keep the jumper and switch from jeans to chinos, but girls can invariably have more fun: swap jeans for a net tulle skirt and thick winter tights, plimsolls for smart brogues, a daytime handbag for a Chanel-esque clutch, and the vintage knit is working so hard it will indefinitely be signed off from work and prescribed some pills.

– Some blogs dedicated to the subject :

http://www.frombetsywithlove.com/

http://vixenvintage.blogspot.com/

http://www.glamoursplash.com/

2 – Headbands = bringing hair together since ever. I know what you’re thinking. Men…wearing headbands? Since when has that been acceptable outside of European football? Then in September 2010, University Challenge brought us the University of the Arts London team, and a clever/fit guy in a headband, and suddenly all Serie A sins were forgotten.

Band of brothers: Walker (second right) shows why a male equivalent of Claire’s Accessories would be so, so right

American Apparel’s lamé headband takes the wearer from cute-girl-next-door with a penchant for aerobics, balayage and itsy-bitsy dogs (exhibit A)…

…all the way to the Nordic poledancing lessson which is Exhibit B.

Once again, American Apparel manage to tread the line  between Sweet Valley High and Richard Kern with aplomb.  Unfortunately the current story apropos of the chain is the fact that shiny headbands and hedonism haven’t saved it from imminent bankruptcy 😦

Also try:

Earmuffs. It’s almost winter, and earmuffs combine a headband with a vesatile space for cold, reddening lugholes. Etsy’s collection of homemade crafts is a great place to find individual pieces like Princess Leia ones…!

3 – 80s slogan wear = acceptable. If you can’t identify phrases such as “I carried a watermelon” and ” I want my MTV”, or you don’t know a My Little Pony from a Cabbage Patch Kid; you never laughed about the “groove” which Action Man has at his crotch and you’re not sure how to spell Bueller (Bueler? Buller?) then perhaps you should stay away from slogan wear, unless your lack of pop culture knowledge is some kind of ironic, Thatcherite nod, in which case, on you go…

80s clothes are the vestments of a marriage made in heaven. However, noughties rip-offs like this ‘ironic’ Trueblood slogan tee are not quite what the Doctor (Who) had back in mind during the 80s, when varsity prep become a religion.

Blood-y awful: HBO had more luck with the Flight of the Conchords clothing line

4 – Bouncy hair. Speaking as a curly haired girl, volume has never really been an issue. I went through a phase of wanting super-sleek hair…until I realised that a bouncy blowdry is super-flattering as well as being slightly less of a workout. AnnaLynne McCord does both 80s looks with ease; usually she carries off a super curly blonde do which is definitely a homage to bygone glamour, but a bouncy blowdry works equally well on her honeyed locks. Curlies: if you want 90, 210 ways to recreate the 80s (excuse the pun) then follow her lead.

In conclusion, don’t overdo the 80s look. Don’t try imitations, but instead go for new accessories and tees to compliment vintage outerwear. Go authentic and look for good quality and potential when buying pieces. Check boring things like the washing directions, especially on pieces which have been dyed or altered in any way from their original state, and don’t part with your cash for clothes which are truly ready for the bin.

Hallowee-ed be thy name

I’m probably too old for Halloween. However, this hasn’t stopped me pushing the 80s theme on and looking forward to the 31st…as well as compiling some great tunes to be enjoyed, whether or not your tounge is stuck firmly in your cheek:

– A Nightmare on My Street – The Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff: the second Smith to feature this month, and gosh are they a talented brood. TFP and DJJJ used the same time signature for all of their collaborations, but I’m sure that it’s economical considering that Kings of Leon have made a career out of recycling. This beat makes Fruity Loops look like Mozart, but it works, and it manages to make Elm Street sound like Sesame Street. PS: this was played in the NME office two Halloweens ago, so it is definitely at the core of our culture.

– Psycho Killer – Talking Heads. This one starts off sounding like some banal driving CD and continues the weirdo-loner theme with the inclusion of some random lyrics in French and emotionless delivery courtesy of David Byrne. He was probably more psychotic when he was all wicked and lazy circa 2002, but the song is still hauntingly beautiful.

– Damien (all 3 parts) by DMX – D muses about the devil over a typically Def Jam track. Getting slowly more demented, this triptych includes his strange penchant for unneccessary narrative (see Party Up!’s religious verse), which is both comic and very, very unnerving. Here’s part one:

There are probably other Halloween songs, but none of them are as amazing as those…unless we’re including The Monster Mash or any “scary” Disney songs within these parameters.

Soooo, unless my internet decides to go loco, I will be posting just before this evil day occurs…probably from my kitchen where I’ll be dousing a crucifix in garlic and watching an 80s film.

Adios!

x x x x

Some topical pieces for August

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Hey there! My mailbox won’t open. It has all of the amazing work I wanted to share with you today. Quite ridiculous. So instead I’m going to go and do a phone interview with Neon Indian:

..and by the time I come back, hopefully it will be working again.

*some minutes later*

Ok, it’s working now, great. Before I go and do this phoner for The 405, I’d like to share some pieces which were written for another website but alas they were never published. So here you go, two topical and culture packed pieces.

Do’s and dont’s for the courtroom:

Ever been asked to give evidence in an important trial on an international stage? Do a Naomi and leave the lexicon at home. Confusion over what you’re being asked (“blood diamond? Qu’est-ce que c’est un “blood diamond”?”) as well as monosyllabic, lampen lingo (“i-was-given-dirty-looking-rocks-by-the-bad-man”) served the supermodel pretty well, as she testified at The Hague. Of course, it would be libellous to accuse Naomi of telling anything less than the-whole-truth-and-nothing-but-the-truth; however her story proves that when the entertainment and political frames collide, unintentional comedy can ensue.

Naomi's story: story rhymes with jack-a-nory

One fateful night in 1997, Campbell claims to have been asleep following an oh-so-peaceful Nelson Mandela charity function, when she heard a knock at her door. Two men gave her a pouch, reportedly saying it was “a gift for you”. Without meaning to puncture the validity of Ms Campbell’s account, when was the last time that a knock at the door roused you from your sleep? It must have been some pretty aggressive knocking, which fits slightly better with the President Charles Taylor myth (read: the black Stalin). Had I been cross-examining, I would’ve also asked La Campbell where her swarm of staff where when the drop-off occured. Do you think Naomi Campbell touched doorhandles at the height of her fame? Her legal forte is ABH, as witnessed in the magistrates courts of Great Britannia, where court artists surely enjoy themselves sketching her chignon. So, please don’t take our comedy sunshine away, foreign war trials…more importantly, she might make you look like a joke. And Liberia – as recently investigated by Vice here – is really anything but.

Making light, making money..making a mockery?:

Music has been “helping” us to deal with serious issues since the dawn of time. Self-help songs such as abstinence anthem “We Don’t Have To Take Our Clothes Off” are customary to our culture, and every boy-meets-girl pop song carries a similar brand of emotional counselling.

Even Queen tried it, albeit with tounge pressed firmly in cheek.

However, speculative songs-about-potentially-serious-subjects (SAPSS) rarely appear in the same frame as the subject matter, for fear of trivialising the latter. It’s not like the latest Ripper case is going to be accompanied by a light piano instrumental of “Roxanne”on the 6 o’clock news. Plus, it’s kind of patronising to assume that Roxanne or any other lady of the night wanted Sting’s career advice in g-minor in the first place. Ironically, the news itself sometimes like to draw attention to songs which might just make an audience think that the news is all bureaucracy and trivia. About 10 years ago, BBC news got all angry over a song called Tapa Na Cara (that’s “slap on the cheek” in Spanish).

Tapa Na Cara: 1/3 of women in America is physically abused, and bad dancing isn't usually a factor

Surely telling victims of domestic violence to get angry about a mardi gras anthem is about as relevant as telling someone whose family were murdered and arranged in a pentacle formation to get angry about Halloween at TGI Friday’s?

Plus, it’s kind of naive of the BBC not to think that Western pop hasn’t been linking sex and violence since the beginning of the world, or more aptly, “since OJ had isotoners”. Brazil were positively late on that angle. Anyhow, I digress – the strangest thing I’ve witnessed of late on the internet is an inverse of the SAPSS phenomenon. It is a SAPSS appearing in the same frame as the subject matter, and dodging the “disgustingly immoral” card by way of endorsement from the victim of said serious crime. Antoine Dodson flew into a wholly justifiable rage after an attempted rape on sister Kelly at their home in Huntsville, Alabama, and his subsequent tirade was shown on local news. As part of their well-known “Auto-Tune The News” viral series, comedy group The Gregory Brothers decided to give Antoine’s rant the T-Pain treatment and the video became an overnight meme sensation. The result had more potential and playability than Rick Astley in a gay sauna with Gap Yah rah star Orlando, getting a mutual erection over Chris Crocker circa 2007:

On one hand, it is hugely inappropriate to make a song about a sexual assault which isn’t a) a raw autobiography or b) in aid of a rape charity. It is pretty taboo full stop, actually, unless you’re in Sublime and you can practise irony as well as santeria. On the other, the song in question is almost a two-fingers up at rape (I should stress almost) and could even be viewed (I should stress could) as liberation in the face of anger, poverty and humiliation. Indeed, the makers of the video went dutch with Dodson, who filmed his last video in an apartment which certainly did not resemble the grim surroundings of the Projects where his sister was attacked. At the end of the day, it’s a bittersweet, almost Dickensian paradox, however much we sick British animals with our supposed love for a “working class hero” justify our love. It is because they are poor and black that society allows us to make them into court jesters, much like the cast of the current BBC3 series “Peckham Finishing School”, all picked for a cheap laugh. Antoine Dodson can sit pretty in an Ed Hardy t-shirt and muse about his “fanbase”, but we’re not really laughing with him. Nor are we laughing at him.

We’re laughing at rape, albeit a highly dramatised song about the possibility that someone is “raping errybody out there”. Our fauxmance with Antoine Dodson has most definitely moved from entertainment to exploitation. Sounds pretty sick, right? Some Americans might be behind the Dodson’s as they grasp at their very own American dream. But we are uncompassionate Brits, and we take Lolita and A Clockwork Orange and abuse books on holiday and read them on the beach. But perhaps if all of us rubberneckers who’ve downloaded “Bed Intruder” because of the internet hype have helped a family escape a life where rape could traverse from criminality into comedy…then maybe it would be ok to advise you to buy it.

H xxxxxxxx

VICE go to ‘Afghanistan’

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Ok, so I’m a bit early for my post this month, but rest assured this is just a small segment of my blog this month!

***

The brilliant VBS.tv (and I mean this totally non-subjectively, despite what the banner may imply) have just made a new doc as part of their “Rule Britannia” series – this time it’s apropos the Afghanistan war. In the 5-part “Afghanistan In The UK” , the strange world of casualty simulation is explored at the STANTA training camp, where the spheres of acting and combat collide. There are moments of unnerving humour, but ultimately the film gives a rare look into the training which our armed forces receive and their emotions before deployment. Reality hits home via the story of a real army casualty, and footage from Wooton Bassett. In true Vice style, Andy Capper and co. deliver the stories respectfully, and with aplomb. Rather than a preachy critique of any sort, “Afghanistan In The UK” is merely a sensitive setpiece of comic and tragic proprotions, among a much larger theatre.

Click to watch:

Trailer

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Or alternatively, click here to book entry to a screening and exclusive Q&A with Andy Capper on August 31st.


July/August

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Hey there – happy summer!! Disclaimer: the following video is an example of a video which is both happy and summery and totally non-subjective.


Admittedly I didn’t quite meet my blog deadline this month *boo*. I also missed Truck Festival *boo* due to my current internship (marketing, all very fun). But, as one of my top-used words here is “fun” (Wordle word clouds I salute you) I did manage to pop along to Underage with Artrocker.tv. My review is being edited now, but in the meantime do take a look here for my Highs and Lows of the festival. We had time to chat to Akala, Ellie Goulding and Daisy Dares You, who liked my (excuse for an) outfit! We also spotted Darwin Deez and Tahita from NYPC backstage (whilst popping to the posh loos). My favourite act of the day were probably Chiddy Bang, though I advise you to read the full review when its out!

We caught the tail end of this too – an illegal set from Isleworth’s finest, The Ruskins:


Here is my favouyrite picture from the immense (as in great, not GREAT BIG as she is not) Cathryn Innocent:

I’ve just been on my 2nd journalism course, which was great and really got me thinking about the presentation of my blog and interviews, not to mention the law and various bias which media outlets can hold. Just to reiterate, I am completely independent despite any media affiliations and the thoughts expressed here and on my Twitter account are all my own musings and annoyances 🙂

…that said, I love the BBC. Stood outside the Tardis as part of said course, which may count as a religious epiphany. Nowhere near the Blue Peter garden but that’s fine, I don’t need to regress any further *sucks thumb*. I digress – I had an amazing time on my course and found a few amazing twitterers and bloggers who I’ll link to it due course. As always, you can reach me at hannah@hannahjdavies.com if you want to collaborate.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Thursday night gem The Real Hustle: Celebrity Scammers has filled the Question Time-shaped gap in my TV schedule. However, I think we’ve all seen Matt Willis – formerly of Busted fame – pull that “I just shat myself” face long before he joined Alex, Paul and Jess on one of their most daring scams yet. Lest I ruin the episode for those who are now two weeks behind, it was a corker. The Real Hustle has always relied on comedy and shock value in equal measure, but the introduction of z-listers like Matt and Strictly lothario Brendan Cole has added a new dimension of cringe to this BBC3 staple! I don’t want to be cynical but Busted do have a new album out, reportedly hitting the shelves next year. Long live the long con..and shameless self-promotion!

Year 2004?: Loveable hasbeen Matt added to the already popular show

Play that List

Besides listening to “I’m Coming Out” every day, if you care to know what is in my playlist then take a look on Spotify…you didn’t actually think I’d link you there, when I have Kajagoogoo, Cyndi Lauper, DMX, Danny Swain, Tea Leaf Green, Simple Minds, Ashley Tisdale and Badly Drawn Boy in the same playlist??? More likelihood of finding a blood diamond down the back of a supermodel’s sofa. Oh, wait…

x x x x

Having a chat about politics with AkalaA quick chat with Ellie Goulding

Out of synch with the posting!!

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So..we’ve had a few extra posts last month, due to the launch of Vice’s Creators Project (tomorrow), but I feel as though I missed my actual end of the month post as a result!!

On the box

Last month I had a reader’s review of GLEE published in The Independent’s Arts/Books section, which you can find amongst the thoughts of other readers here.

Besides that, I’m not watching a lot of TV…although the occasional episode of Victoria Coren’s Only Connect on BBC 4 is like Actimel for the soul. I especially like the fact that despite team names like “Rugby Boys” and “History Boys”, they’re all just neeks who can solve complex puzzles which make 3am Quizcall on Channel 5 look like playschool. Especially love the (very rare) occasions when I get something right.

The current series of Big Brother is also providing good entertainment whenever I flick onto it, and Emmerdale lookylikey Nathan’s monobrow has luckily been evicted. Desperate Housewives has just finished its sensational sixth season, which saw a triptych of psychos, copious amounts of flashbacks and *tear* Mike and Susan leaving Wisteria Lane. Silver fox Paul Young (Duck from Mad Men – portrayed by Mark Moses) is back on the scene, however. I’m rewatching some of the latter at the moment, so the next season of Housewives could be very confusing for me indeed, having become accustomed to seeing Mr Moses in 60s mode.

Adieu, adieu, to Mike, MJ and Su-use...

Girl’s just wanna have fun (and not much else)

WARNING: MAY CONTAIN SATC2 SPOILERS

Late as I am, SATC2 was a ton of fun.

I wish I’d seen it earlier. Casual racism, gay stereotyping, marital cliches and Samantha’s (Kim Cattrall) grossness aside, it was a great laugh. Moreover, SJP was on form as Carrie Bradshaw (or Preston) and the Abu Dhabi scenes were beautiful, despite being filmed 4000 miles away in Morrocco (ironically, due to the same Islamic strictness of the UAE which the film constantly lampoons).  The plot looses its way more than a few times, but is saved by some genuine laughs courtesy of cameos from Liza Minnelli as herself, performing at said gay stereotypes wedding, and Miley Cyrus, who turns up at a premiere in the same “young” frock as Samantha. Said dress is rather Littlewoods for the stars to be wearing, but I’m sure it was a designer number. There is tons of product placement in the film, as one would expect, but which is all the more distracting given the “exotic” setting. The Arabic Pringles aren’t particuarly rare, either, SJP – we’ve been buying them in the pound shop forever in the real world. Anyways, I digress: SATC2 is a cheap laugh rather than a well-plotted and wholesome one. There is some fleeting realism via Charlotte’s insecurities (with the gorgeous Alice Eve as her Gaelic nanny Erin, who wouldn’t be worried?) but this is quickly usurped by stupidity, as director Michael Patrick King decides to go kamikaze, peppering the flick with millions of unneccessary shots of Eve’s bra-less nipples which probably contributed towards the film’s poor reception. The outcome of the lazy storytelling is that overSexed and The City is a whopping three hours long. By the end, I felt as though I’d been beaten over the head with a Complete Seasons 1-6 boxset. Not only was the film overly drawn out, it felt a million miles away from the innovation which the original SATC had. Age-wise the “girls” have outgrown the format, but I fear that perhaps we’ve all tired of their antics and nineties semantics, too.

Forty love: the girls are showing their age, and what an age it is (187 in total)

At least Cougar Town kind of had a noughties “menopause-chic”, a Demi and Ashton vibe…Sex and The City 2 is good fun, but it does feel dated.When Charlotte (Kristin Davis) cries about her ruined “vintage Valentino” she is pretty much a cariacture of herself.

So, what can we take away from this Emirates-set escapade? Don’t cheat on your husband, perhaps? Even that doesn’t quite follow, with Carrie and Big making good of their relationship, even after the former kisses an ex-love in aforesaid foreign climes. In conclusion, SATC2 is a slice of the big apple without all the chewy bits (storytelling, drama, genuine adventure). The racebending here wasn’t as awful as Prince of Persia (Gyllenhaal as an arab?), but boy, must Omid Djalili and Raza Jaffrey be having some serious cash issues right now.

Did you hear the one about the obscene time machine, which made every but Charlotte look older rather than younger?

More acerbic words from the rainy environs of London coming up soon, when I hit Truck festival and Underage with Artrocker, and pump some PR into the blog with brand, brand, spanking new content.

x x x x

Creators Project from Vice – FREE entry to an amazing party etc etc etc

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Hey guys

http://www.thecreatorsproject.com/en-uk/events/the-creators-project-conquers-london

..should explain more. This event on July 17th at Victoria House is going to be huge, lets hope that this writer manages to blag her way to the afterparty!

The event is free and open to all, but the party is invite only; register tomorrow (June 28th) to get in and see Mark Ronson *swoon* and Filthy Dukes play Vice’s biggest party, period.

and hannahjdavies.com x x x x

STOP PRESS: VICE VICE BABY: Mark Ronson joins the Creators Project. No horns or Zutons, promise.

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Ok, so I usually blog at the end of the month, but my Mark Ronson news couldn’t wait.

This video from VBS.tv’s Ryan Duffy is the definitive explanation more about the man, the myth, the raspberry-blowing legend who is Mark Ronson. The goregous (totally not being subjective here) MR was recently seen on BBC’s “I’m In A Rock’n’Roll Band” giving some didactic words. He’s just as talkative here as he promotes VICE & INTEL’s Creators Project.

Not a Lindsay Lohan reference in sight unfortunately, but luckily its all music here as he analyses the craft which has helped him earn his place as the most exciting producer of the 2000s. Chronicling Winehouse’s post-Frank revamp and featuring Lily’s sexed up Kaiser Chiefs cover, Version (2007) was an instant classic.

Technology, however, is the theme of his eagerly awaited 3rd album – Record Collection – this time with new band The Business Intl. Oh, how it pleases the ear to hear Le Ronson talk of using vintage synths purchased from eBay and the bygone age of pile-em-high garage bands! His oh-so-Nintendo viral video for Circuit Breaker features here, too, as does some Tweeted wisdom.

Watch it here!!

Here’s the hot first single, Bang Bang Bang!

…There’s only one other thing you need to know: he’s single. Move over, Daisy Lowe.

x x x x

May hiatus

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Dear my faithfuls…I’d give you all my last Rolo if I could. But I can’t due to the laws of physics and such.

This month has been seriously busy for me due to AS Levels. Such a cop-out, but as I’m seriously dedicated to high quality content I feel that rather than a coherent blog I’ll just roll out links to 5 cool things I’m enjoying right now and apologise profusely. Please follow me on twitter (@hannahjdavies) and I’ll spew more nonsense there.

1.MIA ROSE is a chanteuse and a bit of a flanteuse when she sings sitting on her bed but…

She’s really beautiful (think Glee’s Rachel meets Norah Jones meets Penelope Cruz) and although she’s been around a few years, (and endured more than a few suspcions over her seemingly huge Youtube following) this songstress never fails to make me smile. File her covers and Gibson-playing between Colbie Caillat and Sheryl Crow, even though she has been managed by Tommy Mottolla (Mariah’s ex).

And she wears quite a few hats. Something which kinda adds to her girl-next-door vibe.

2. Harry Hill’s paintings

They’re almost as hilarious than his TV show, and Harry Hill’s paintings provoke more of a smile than a Burp – as seen in this week’s Observer. I especially like Parker-Bowles Windsor (below) the love child of Camilla and Charles who is a decidedly ominous creamy spacehopper with more of a resembelence to Robin Williams in Flubber. I digress – a symbol, perhaps, of our strange relationship with the couple and (pathetically) undying love for Princess Diana.

3. Money

Not in note-form, although you can make any cheques payable to me. Nope, I’m talking about the 2-part adaptation of Martin Amis’ novel with Vincent Kartheiser (Mad Men) and Nick Frost (Hot Fuzz) which recently graced our screens on BBC2. Reeeaaaalllly good (a little subjective as I’m a Martin Amis fan) but this was a really fun bit of 80s which should sit alongside the Rayban revival, John Hughes films being shown late at night and Vice Magazine’s Bret Easton Ellis interview this month.

Here’s a useless picture of Vince just to illustrate how symmetrical his face is. I think he might use Carmex, too. The guy who over-straightens his hair on Junior Apprentice could also take a few tips from Karthy’s bouncy straight locks which are statically mussed up a little on top as to appear nonchalant, but calmed with serum. I can smell Frederic Fekkai through my computer.

4. Twitterings

After over a year leaving tiny nuggets of mundanity and picking up quickly aggregated news and cynical musings and (possibly made-up) gossip from the twitterati, I don’t want to leave. It’s too fun, especially when real-life augments itself into Twitter via pictures, mentions and locations (becoming a mayor of Oxford St McDonalds on FourSquare is my next goal).

I even recorded a voiceover for reviews site The 405 (server isn’t working so here is the link: http://thefourohfive.com) after chatting on Twitter, and the manager of Cha Cha sent me this video after finding me on there:

Admittedly its too inoffensive, slick and overpolished for my liking, and lacks personality, but it is a cute video and i really do respond to everything which is emailed to me.

5. Festival essentials

Summer’s almost here, and I really want a Hunter festival survival pack (available from Office) – tons of good stuff packed into a one litre flask with Hunter logo in the classic mossy green colour, which is actually just known as Green. I. Need. This.

Urban Outfitters ‘Contrast Trim Satchel’ is probably too shallow to fit that massive bottle into, but I like it anyways due to its Americana feel and oversized clasp. I’m no Mariella Tandy but yum.

If money were no object I’d probably be stuffing everything into one of these stunning pouches courtesy of Felder Felder at Browns, which perfectly marry my ambition to be part of some outlaw motorcycling club in Arkansas with my (pipe) dream of designing a haute couture collection based on dirt and leather and saloon doors. Enough space or keys, plasters and a bit of cash although unfortunately £190. If Matalan are reading this, please make a copy for £4.

Yours

The Real Life ‘Mad Men’

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Its April/May. The showers are coming down on my window like sweat on a pubescent kid’s spotty forehead in a tennis lesson (not speaking from experience here) and exams are impending BUT I still reserve a little time for such art forms as interviewing cool creatives like the guys from ad agency C.R.A.P !! Below you can see me prodding the collective intellect of Scottish Ad Men Chris Rush & Andy Peel.

FIRST UP: Top tips for advertising and some “random words” from C.R.A.P.

Subjectively, they’re the new Saatchi & Saatchi. I know someone will execute me for that. To save you from CSI-type measures, his name will be Charles Saatchi and he will be in the conservatory with the lead pipe.



HJD: Due to the popularity of Mad Men, which has just finished its oh-so-stylish third series, do you guys think that the ad world is getting a makeover? And, of course, what’s the most glamourous part of your day job?

AP: [its] between people spending money on our ideas and going on shoots. Traveling the world(ish) and meeting celebs is pretty good, and you can live in the pub so long as you’ve got some awesome work to show for it when you stagger out.

CR: ^What? *reality check Peely* maybe getting free drinks on expenses? We can go anywhere to do ‘work’ and not pay a thing when we’re there. Anywhere can be the office… till I have to direct some art at least.

HJD: Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce (Mad Men) vs CRAP (you). Whats in a name, and do you honestly think your, well, crap? Do clients call you ‘crap’ or C.R.A.P? Or is it like M*A*S*H where the periods are ignored? Help.

AP: to start with, the name was everything. we were crap. We took the piss out ourselves because of people didn’t like our work, we told them “what did you expect from crap?” CRAP got us noticed and remembered. It works, but because he’s CR and I’m AP. If i was John and CR was Bob, being crap wouldn’t have a purpose. And it’s always crap, except my dad hates it, so to him we’re c.r.a.p.

CR: Clients don’t really know us. For the most part only the account handlers deal with them, there are exceptions of course. cr.ap is memorable. It just works for that. When doing crits (HJD: book crits are visits to ad agencies to try and get work by showing a portfolio) we’d start out by telling them we are crap – its on the cover of the front page of the portfolio – then anything they see from then on might not be crap. We’re getting better, not entirely crap anymore but always cr.ap

HJD: At least your not Chris Underwood and Nathan Thomas, I here that their agency didnt go down too well. Jokes aside, how did you guys get into the business and what advise would you give to someone of about my age (17) who is thinking of getting into the PR or mad ad world?

AP: I didn’t have a clue. I did an ad course, after year one I teamed up with Chris and then started getting book crits and placements ever since. Network, work hard and being nice go a long way. Plus being good at it helps. Find a coach/mentor that’ll help is a bonus. See our Facebook group for more.

CR: Have fun. Meet people -agency people all ‘have been there once’ and most will give you good advice on how to get into the industry. There’s not one set method that works, as a creative it relies a lot on timing, luck and of course you being willing to put the graft in. And be polite. Everyone knows everyone in this industry, piss one off and the rest can hear about it…

We got here by not being perfect. We made a lot of mistakes and did a lot of bad ads. It’s how you learn. Literally. Just practice. Meeting people who can push you in the right direction helps and don’t rely on just one person’s opinion because it is just that: an opinion. Always try and get several people looking at your work, then you can take a consensus from that.

AP: Sound advice Mr Rush.

HJD: Sound advice indeed. I’m curious as to what has been your favourite project to date and why? (my personal fave is the Jaffalympics above)

AP: A toss up between our first TV shoot for the Scottish News of the World and our pitch win for Scotrail which will break nationally (in Scotland) in the summer. (HJD: Scotrail is the Scottish railway if you hadn’t guessed).

CR: What AP said plus the Smoking campaign for Northern Ireland. It was effective and got a lot of good response.

AP: It’s because you got to fly to Belfast you jammie git. It looked pretty good though, *pats head*.

HJD:  “CRAP is one guy drawing and one guy writing” – discuss

AP: One Photoshops, one waffles, but it works. I don’t think we’ve been blown our cover yet.

CR: I can’t spell, he can.

HJD: Would you ever consider more government propaganda…I mean, information campaigns…like your work for the NHS?

AP: of course, we worked with the Scottish and Northern Ireland Governments before. Sexual health, drinking and smoking. So long as it’s for a good cause we’ll sell our souls.

CR: They aren’t propaganda, there’s a difference between telling someone they must quit smoking and suggesting they do. We don’t really ‘consider’ whether we do a brief or not anyway. It’s a job, it pays the company’s bills so it has to be done. We’d never get a product that it is wrong to advertise because they aren’t allowed to be advertised. We do of course get some briefs we’d rather not have…like a girls beauty brief thats on my desk right now.

AP: that’s true. A brainstorm with 6 women is a scary moment. Especially when you can’t get a word in edgeways over the “isn’t he just gorgeous” or “eugh, fat thighs”.

Mr A.I.D.S: one of CR.AP’s NHS initiatives simplifies serious illness for dramatic effect.

HJD: Better than working on those disgusting ads where those women discuss diarrhoea over lunch. Finally, who would be your dream client and why? For example, if I had any idea about the ad world whatsoever I would love to make an advert where a car is created out of cake..ohh thats been done…

AP: Chris and John at Fallon (who made the Skoda cake ad) gave us our first crit and placement. I’d love to work on Sony, Nike or Coke. But something closer to home would be good.

CR: A one that just allows creativity to shine through instead of worrying about the size of a frigging logo. It’s amazing the difference between an original idea and the work which the general public end up seeing. 9/10 its a watered down version that isn’t anywhere near as good. So not a specific client, just one that wants to be creative and bold.

AP: I think our portfolio has a few of those in…

HJD: Thanks guys, all the best…Can’t wait to see if these guys do become the Real Life ‘Mad Men’ (which, by the way, I really don’t advise)

BEST OF THE REST

Elsewhere, I very unfortunatly had to miss the Underage Easter festival with Artrocker due to illness (boo), but I did end up with a friend at Storm Models, which got me thinking about something which only a tackly glitter graphic can show :

Vice Style is currently in Beta, but it looks pretty awesome. Some of the stuff I’ve found and loved so far has included a bit on bindis (below) with the beautiful French reporter Dora modelling some sticky jewellery to great effect.

Drop in some top-class editorials and pictures like this:

….and I think we can say that the little sister to Vice and VBS.tv s going to be huge. YVAN Rodic, LOOBOOK, WWW aside…ViceStyle looks set to join the ranks of net stardom. Oh, and some of their superb offerings make it into the paper VICE magazine. There’s even a few words with the world’s most famous plus-sized model, Crystal Renn – author of the memoir Hungry: A Young Model’s Story of Appetite, Ambition and the Ultimate Embrace of Curves.

And no fashion website worth its salt (or low sodium substitute) would be complete without the man himself, Karl Lagerfeld, as interviewed by film-director-cum-Vice-man Bruce Labruce (those familiar with Bruce, do excuse my wordplay there).

Karl's pad is both cluttered and library-like in its order. Viva Ikea!

My friends at Vice are also going Pretty Scritti Political right now, in celebration of next week’s election! Click here to watch a trailer for their (genuinely thrilling) docu Rule Britannia: Elections.

On an extremely important political note, not sure if its just me, but don’t these guys look alike?

Nick 'spanish wife and french chateau' Clegg
Or is it Dragons Den king, telecoms magnate and sock-puller-upper Peter Jones?

Possibly not the best picture to show a comparison.

I think I’ll finish with a bit of music, eh?

My mateys The Ruskins come from Isleworth (not too far from me) and I can’t believe they’re still unsigned. Not for long I hope/bet. Here’s their latest offering, Old Isleworth…the video features Elliott Tittensor (Shameless) and Kaya “Effy” Scodelario.

Its a cracker.

ALSO LOVING: OK GO, Lou Reed, N Sync, Amy Studt (yes I know), Sparks, Interpol (back on form), Julian Plenti…

And this:

Yes, that is Corbin Bleu’s Deal With It you can hear there…turns out that a whiley Jay Sean penned the song for the Afroed teen and sold the music to Korean superstars Shinee too. Clever move. Cleverer than that smug ‘blazer dance’ in the Down video, anyway…

Yours critically,

x x x x

“When Bob Geldof was kicked out of Pink Floyd…”

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Urrgh, I’m almost a fool. I have to use these Sweet Valley High titles in order to grab your attention. That said, “almost a fool” refers only to the fact that its April Fools tomorrow rather than any intellectual anguish I might be having over my upcoming exams. I’ve almost been a fool millions of times, from fake £20 notes to bogus prizes…just dont trick me tomorrow because I will fall for it.

This pretty amazing (cake vs.) pie chart from This is why you’re fat has caught my foolish attention:

…as has everything else vaguely sweet recently. Weird craving for a proper, gen-u-ine New York cheescake, actually; one of those which looks like a round French cheese and tastes like one too. If anyone wants to bake me one then please go ahead.

Anyways, onto some higher culture. I have enjoyed such cultivated televisual viewing of late, including The Undercover Princesses on BBC3.

A follow-up to the equally cringeworthy culture-clash comedy of  The Undercover Princes, this series saw three ethnically-diverse but equally stereotypical “royals” – the Bugandan with a shapely behind and a taste for market-stall weave, the shy, sari-wearing Indian wallflower and the whiter-than-white Europop heiress from Germany, who almost didn’t count as foreign – looking for love in the UK. So, the BBC sent the trio to our culture capital of Essex and watched asmadness ensued. One of Uganda’s princesses, nicknamed Cinderella, found Caribbean match Paul (Paw-ul) on a trip to Asda for mushrooms in a surprisingly tidy scene which was typical set-up fare. Meanwhile, sweet-natured asian princess Aaliya went on a series of disappointing dates with men who looked like Crimewatch-paedo-cut-outs for conversations about the weather, where we almost expected to hear Mad World dubbed over her plight. Eeyorl-liah was a nice girl but socially inept when it came to the opposite sex, and scuppered one of her dates by getting claustrophobia…whilst wearing a helmet. Doh! Instead of love, we got more BBC subtitles over anyone who wasn’t from Essex and a horrible soundtrack which even featured “world’s most overused and dramatic tearjerker” Kissing You by Des’ree. Yes, the song from Romeo+Juliet. A highlight was Xenia from Germany, however, whose much-hyped “relationship” with hairdresser Elliott involved much retarded singing, impressionism and crap dancing. Put her anywhere else and I think this woman would have been labelled a fag hag. Hilarious stuff as always from the BBC’s digital stable, but can we please have some proper princesses next time…this lot really lacked authenticity!

High Renaissance Man – exclusive –

Yes, THIS is what the title of the blog is about! HIGHLY CULTURED MEN!

Vice ran this pretty amazing picture of JFK in a series of hats for next month’s issue…just to cover myself legally I should point out that the pic below is by Tara Sinn of http://www.babydinosaureyes.com/, and it is just so cute. Especially the top hat…can someone please Cafe Press this into a mug/t-shirt/babygrow (with permission ofc).

And here is my horrific illustration for the following feature. I forbid anyone to Cafe Press this:

It’s been less than 2 months since Mr Totally Tom – that’s Mr Totally Tom Stourton and Mr Totally Tom Palmer to you and I – launched their comedy short High Renaissance Man on Youtube. Part one of four is above, and given my damning review of a BBc 3 programme (also above), I advise that our controllors take note: this is what TV needs.

The two Toms – who have somewhat sarcastically declared that they want BBC’s “pinkies”, that’s £50 notes to you and me – have been friends since the tender age of 12, when they met at a sleepover (everybody say: awww!)

Described by Michael Hessletine as “Evelyn Waugh on acid” (100% true quotation), the duo take their inspiration from Garth Meranghi’s Dark Place and Brass Eye among other series’, although this Bristol-based mockumentary is all their own work, and they strongly deny “copying” anyone. In fact, their influences peek through rather than being worn on a collective sleeve, surely the mark of subtle genius. Thanks to the way in which universities are “interlinked” through Facebook, High Renaissance Man has gone down a treat on the interwebs – probably because James Talbot-Smith (Stourton) is the perfectly recognisable Oxbridge-reject  turning his hand to uni pursuits such as event promotion with his trademark awkwardness. If Abercrombie did philosophy degrees…

That’s enough from me anyways…let’s read James’ exclusive diary for hannahjdavies.com!

The diary of James – by Mr Totally Tom

D e a r  D i a r y,

J a m e s  h e r e  a g a i n.  F i r s t  o f  a l l,  a s  y o u  m a y  h a v e  n o t i c e d,  I  h a v e  j u s t  f o u n d  a  f u c k i n g

l e a n  f o n t  t o  u s e  f o r  m y  d i a r y  e n t r i e s.  M a k e s  i t  l o o k  l i k e  a n  o l d s c h o o l  t y p e w r i t e r  – a n d

i t  u s e s  u p  l e s s   i n k.

Spiked Mathew’s tea with seven grams of Mephedrone this morning. He has an exam later AND his parents are taking us for lunch after. Would love to be a fly on the wall for that one! Even though I will be sort of. He’d better pay me back.

Speaking of pranks, expenses scandal broke out today – so fierce! In a bit of trouble with Dad as I ordered a duck house on his account for one of my nights – he is soooooo angry. Also v. bum-out as has ruined my Duck and Bass night – apparently freedom of expression has been banned by the government! Sorry, didn’t realize Tony Blair had collaborated with the Nazis! (Not! – as in I’m being sarcastic not as in I think Nazis actually are actually in power in real life).

Anywayz, until the next time we meet, see you tomorrow dear diary.

Yours truly truthfully,

Me….James.

*Thanks to the two Toms for their help with this feature…now go and watch all four parts of High Renaissance Man on Youtube!

<br>

LIKE A DRUG

Up on VBS.tv right now, you can click here to watch the first part of the Vice Guide to Film, on Mexico’s Narco Cinema, from their popular internet TV station (you might remember me talking about another VBS production, Swansea Love Story, in a previous post).

I digress: in this series, Vice will be exploring some lesser-known cinematic genres from across the globe, as co-founder Shane Smith and creative director Eddy Moretti explore the relationship between drugs and B-movies in Mexico, Korea and Japan. It’s described it as a foray into the low budget, seedy, fast-paced, straight-to-DVD genre inspired by (and often funded by) Mexico’s ultraviolent drug cartels. This culture-packed production is essential viewing for all Vice-lovers and beyond, as it also touches on the bizarre pagan patron saint of drug dealers…and a music genre based about trafficking! Throw your guidebooks in the bin, grab un sics (yes, thats a six pack of beer in spanish…spanglish) and click onto VBS.tv instead…


Til next month, adieu (actually, I’m going to be working with Artrocker on Underage Easter festival next week so that might pop up here too)
Yours
x x x x