“When Bob Geldof was kicked out of Pink Floyd…”

Urrgh, I’m almost a fool. I have to use these Sweet Valley High titles in order to grab your attention. That said, “almost a fool” refers only to the fact that its April Fools tomorrow rather than any intellectual anguish I might be having over my upcoming exams. I’ve almost been a fool millions of times, from fake £20 notes to bogus prizes…just dont trick me tomorrow because I will fall for it.

This pretty amazing (cake vs.) pie chart from This is why you’re fat has caught my foolish attention:

…as has everything else vaguely sweet recently. Weird craving for a proper, gen-u-ine New York cheescake, actually; one of those which looks like a round French cheese and tastes like one too. If anyone wants to bake me one then please go ahead.

Anyways, onto some higher culture. I have enjoyed such cultivated televisual viewing of late, including The Undercover Princesses on BBC3.

A follow-up to the equally cringeworthy culture-clash comedy of  The Undercover Princes, this series saw three ethnically-diverse but equally stereotypical “royals” – the Bugandan with a shapely behind and a taste for market-stall weave, the shy, sari-wearing Indian wallflower and the whiter-than-white Europop heiress from Germany, who almost didn’t count as foreign – looking for love in the UK. So, the BBC sent the trio to our culture capital of Essex and watched asmadness ensued. One of Uganda’s princesses, nicknamed Cinderella, found Caribbean match Paul (Paw-ul) on a trip to Asda for mushrooms in a surprisingly tidy scene which was typical set-up fare. Meanwhile, sweet-natured asian princess Aaliya went on a series of disappointing dates with men who looked like Crimewatch-paedo-cut-outs for conversations about the weather, where we almost expected to hear Mad World dubbed over her plight. Eeyorl-liah was a nice girl but socially inept when it came to the opposite sex, and scuppered one of her dates by getting claustrophobia…whilst wearing a helmet. Doh! Instead of love, we got more BBC subtitles over anyone who wasn’t from Essex and a horrible soundtrack which even featured “world’s most overused and dramatic tearjerker” Kissing You by Des’ree. Yes, the song from Romeo+Juliet. A highlight was Xenia from Germany, however, whose much-hyped “relationship” with hairdresser Elliott involved much retarded singing, impressionism and crap dancing. Put her anywhere else and I think this woman would have been labelled a fag hag. Hilarious stuff as always from the BBC’s digital stable, but can we please have some proper princesses next time…this lot really lacked authenticity!

High Renaissance Man – exclusive –

Yes, THIS is what the title of the blog is about! HIGHLY CULTURED MEN!

Vice ran this pretty amazing picture of JFK in a series of hats for next month’s issue…just to cover myself legally I should point out that the pic below is by Tara Sinn of http://www.babydinosaureyes.com/, and it is just so cute. Especially the top hat…can someone please Cafe Press this into a mug/t-shirt/babygrow (with permission ofc).

And here is my horrific illustration for the following feature. I forbid anyone to Cafe Press this:

It’s been less than 2 months since Mr Totally Tom – that’s Mr Totally Tom Stourton and Mr Totally Tom Palmer to you and I – launched their comedy short High Renaissance Man on Youtube. Part one of four is above, and given my damning review of a BBc 3 programme (also above), I advise that our controllors take note: this is what TV needs.

The two Toms – who have somewhat sarcastically declared that they want BBC’s “pinkies”, that’s £50 notes to you and me – have been friends since the tender age of 12, when they met at a sleepover (everybody say: awww!)

Described by Michael Hessletine as “Evelyn Waugh on acid” (100% true quotation), the duo take their inspiration from Garth Meranghi’s Dark Place and Brass Eye among other series’, although this Bristol-based mockumentary is all their own work, and they strongly deny “copying” anyone. In fact, their influences peek through rather than being worn on a collective sleeve, surely the mark of subtle genius. Thanks to the way in which universities are “interlinked” through Facebook, High Renaissance Man has gone down a treat on the interwebs – probably because James Talbot-Smith (Stourton) is the perfectly recognisable Oxbridge-reject  turning his hand to uni pursuits such as event promotion with his trademark awkwardness. If Abercrombie did philosophy degrees…

That’s enough from me anyways…let’s read James’ exclusive diary for hannahjdavies.com!

The diary of James – by Mr Totally Tom

D e a r  D i a r y,

J a m e s  h e r e  a g a i n.  F i r s t  o f  a l l,  a s  y o u  m a y  h a v e  n o t i c e d,  I  h a v e  j u s t  f o u n d  a  f u c k i n g

l e a n  f o n t  t o  u s e  f o r  m y  d i a r y  e n t r i e s.  M a k e s  i t  l o o k  l i k e  a n  o l d s c h o o l  t y p e w r i t e r  – a n d

i t  u s e s  u p  l e s s   i n k.

Spiked Mathew’s tea with seven grams of Mephedrone this morning. He has an exam later AND his parents are taking us for lunch after. Would love to be a fly on the wall for that one! Even though I will be sort of. He’d better pay me back.

Speaking of pranks, expenses scandal broke out today – so fierce! In a bit of trouble with Dad as I ordered a duck house on his account for one of my nights – he is soooooo angry. Also v. bum-out as has ruined my Duck and Bass night – apparently freedom of expression has been banned by the government! Sorry, didn’t realize Tony Blair had collaborated with the Nazis! (Not! – as in I’m being sarcastic not as in I think Nazis actually are actually in power in real life).

Anywayz, until the next time we meet, see you tomorrow dear diary.

Yours truly truthfully,


*Thanks to the two Toms for their help with this feature…now go and watch all four parts of High Renaissance Man on Youtube!



Up on VBS.tv right now, you can click here to watch the first part of the Vice Guide to Film, on Mexico’s Narco Cinema, from their popular internet TV station (you might remember me talking about another VBS production, Swansea Love Story, in a previous post).

I digress: in this series, Vice will be exploring some lesser-known cinematic genres from across the globe, as co-founder Shane Smith and creative director Eddy Moretti explore the relationship between drugs and B-movies in Mexico, Korea and Japan. It’s described it as a foray into the low budget, seedy, fast-paced, straight-to-DVD genre inspired by (and often funded by) Mexico’s ultraviolent drug cartels. This culture-packed production is essential viewing for all Vice-lovers and beyond, as it also touches on the bizarre pagan patron saint of drug dealers…and a music genre based about trafficking! Throw your guidebooks in the bin, grab un sics (yes, thats a six pack of beer in spanish…spanglish) and click onto VBS.tv instead…

Til next month, adieu (actually, I’m going to be working with Artrocker on Underage Easter festival next week so that might pop up here too)
x x x x

I Spy July

Evening readers, and welcome to my monthly cocktail of filth and stories about the inside of d-lister’s noses.  I’m sure there’s no incriminating white fluff up there, girl who won Pop Idol in 2005 etc etc.

Anyways, it struck me as odd that I’ve literally never seen a celebrity doing normal stuff like shopping and drinking meal replacement shakes, even though I hang out all over London like a lost urchin with a curly mullet. So, I decided to ask some other people to email me with what they’ve seen celebrities doing, and I think I have done better than NOW magazine (seriously, the best they had last week was two BB6 people or something shopping for sausage rolls at Greggs. Guffaw.)

From: Chiponmyshoulder@noparentalsupervisonorguidance.uk.net

Dear Hannah,

John Frieda was giving bowl cuts to kids on my ruff lundun estate and insuring them that they look just like Ziggy/Zammo, just sans the frizz…All the working class kitchen sink grit of his Polish ancestry shines through…NO. I tried to just say no but free haircuts only happen twice: once from publicity-hungry celebrities and the other in the Army. I’m too young to die, so I chose the ‘accept offer from Sheer Blonde creator’ option. I am going to be called soft forever, but thats ok because I work at B&Q and my sister’s bastard son was box 16 on Deal or No Deal once…so I must be straight.

(I actually think he was very brave to email us with this picture…after all, there is a place where people with teeth like his often end up…it starts with Beachy and ends with Head)

From: Taylormomsen@chacecrawfordtaylormomsenleightonmeester.com

Good day Hannah,

Richard Bacon was eating errrm a bacon sandwich outside a synagogue in North London. Incensed our group of friendly Jewish lawyers…I would’ve confronted him there and then but we must be home before sundown on a Friday (ready for Jonathan Ross presumably).

(Another brave, brave soul who – rather than confront Bacon on his crime for fear of sinning – actually decided to call a lawyer and try to settle away from court for a great deal of his assets (flat, car, signed poster of Rachel Stevens). Good on you Mr’s Chace, Crawford , Taylor , Momsen, Leighton and Meester).

From: lindsaylohan@


Hiii Hannah ❤

Saw your best UK export since like, the Queen, that sexy Cat Deeley snogging a butch woman in LA…no one noticed because said butch woman was probably C.D’s effeminate identikit lover JACK HUSTON. I’m definitely not jealous that she is going out with someone who is 89% Johnny Depp and 11% Morticia Addams, because I am a bonafide lesbian. No 89% men allowed! A woman needs a man like a fish needs a tricycle! xXx ps: that said, any directors I can hang with y’know, get me some film roles maybe? Ten year hiatus sucks when your Coke Fund runs dry, eh?

(Good choice, Linz <3, don’t think you’ve really been the same since you did Freaky Friday. Maybe it was that time you spent as Jamie Lee-Curtis…)




Hey Harriet J Davids i super love your website…I’m a 13 year old girl who is definitely not a 50 year old man LOL. Anywho, KStew and TLautz buying garlic and rabbits paws and copies of the Mormon biblein this totally hip and uber ironic shop called like yeah I dont remember because I picked heroin and Oreos for breakfast. Bad choice. But like, you should keep yourself safe before an interview with a vampire and such, bbz…sorry, I hear my goddamn blackberry… must dash, it could be one of the girls from The Hills, i put my PIN on a facebook group and have been so popular ever since LOLZ – *gunshot*

(It’s funny how much she looks like a stock image…maybe she is a model…or more likely she works in a video store like one of the sad kids in Scream, desperately downloading Neve Campbell screensavers for special time. I like inappapropriate italics.)


ANYWAYS, moving swiftly on – THANKS AGAIN – Cathryn Innocent & I have started an exciting, brand new, never seen before website in the past month!

BELLEJAM.com is a place where us two crazy gimps hope to engage and entertain our readership with photojournalism, reviews, etc…its a HANNAHJDAVIES offshoot so I know that if you like this, you will LOVE Bellejam.com!!

Log on if only for my review of the J Depp/C Bale film Public Enemies!

(Image: C. Innocent)

Bands I’ve seen – Jul 09 – o2 wireless festival, london; featured great performances from Kanye West (electriying even solo) and the Noisettes among many others. Fun day out, got plenty of freebies and had Domino’s from a van…

(Fan photography by myself – Shingai from the Noisettes shortly before a massive wardrobe malfunction rendered her indecent for a period. My friend and I were pretty close up as you can see…singing along and invariably gaining cigarette burns and beer in our respective hair [especially during Calvin Harris].  All good fun though…)

Ken Kobayashi band (see here for my interview with the man himself) in Brixton, along with The Thirst and others…really buzzing gig which also featured some cheeky chappy burlesque).


+++ MORE MORE MORE: coming soon when the Bellejam.com girlies (Cathryn and myself) go to the Underage Festival with  !!! I can’t wait to chat artistes with Santo/igold and enjoy some Dubstep from Rusko & Caspa!I’ll keep posting after the festival!

Til next time, bonne nuit (yes, I teach French on the side)


x x x x

PS: massive massive huge congratuwelldone to this woman:

…if you’re not sure who she is and you are under the age of 30,  then you maybe you should consider a career in caving…i mean that in the nicest way possible for such a facety remark. K to the Rissi!!