Robin Hood frees The Dark Knight in Torrent City + more

Rant one: Yes commenters, I can see your email addresses and you don’t even realise!

This reminds me of when I was told during my work experience at NME not to handle some of the weirder fanmail that the writers receive.

Q: Slated some shitty four piece from Dagenham?

A: Yes? Here’s a box of my excrement, then.


Anyways, here’s the gorgeous and articulate (and married) Johnny Depp…I love him sooo much that I’m going to post a random and wholely pointless picture of him right….here…


Anyways, yesterday I mentioned Monsieur Depp unintentionally whilst telling you about the fantastic Sweeney Todd soundtrack, which you can buy online or steal if you’re one of the people interested in something I will cover in a sec.

Today I watched the psychological cat-and-mouse antics of his characteristically offbeat 2004 offering  ‘Secret Window’ which was actually far, far better than I’d imagined it would be, given the awful reviews which surrounded it at the time of release.

It was panned, quite frankly, but if you’re into Donnie Darko, The Butterfly Effect or maybe just Psycho then give it a try…its a 3-star thriller.

Currently listening to:

I know, I’m a horrible middle-class bitch aren’t I? What about all those poor people who’ve lost their jobs, right? Where’s my sense of socialism and cameraderie for the lower classes?

Actually I think tact is 70% off at Poundland this week.

Currently reading:

the Independent’s Life section. Startlingly interesting today, actually, what with an online piracy article (aXXo who?), plenty of stuff about MySpace (remember them?) making a movie, a hilarious problems page, some subjective fashion advice (I just bought a heap of tartan and am now being told to throw it away basically) and more (who knew that is the oldest website out there, eh? etc)

The irony:  just read about the pirating catastrophe online,  yet I watched ‘Secret Window’ online today, with dodgy kanji subtitles aplenty…they didn’t marr Depp’s beauty however…ahhh…

*Following on from my other link yesterday, here is more satire and goodness for the soul. Yes, I am mixed race, therefore I can do this and not get in too much trouble.

Bisous; laugh a little and play nice! I’m off to listen to endless euthanasia debates on LBC ‘cos I’m cool like that


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Guess Who’s Back…

Missed me munchkins?

I’ve been a bit ill recently – nothing serious luckily, just a cold – hence neglecting this blog. Of course there was that little thing called CHRISTMAS as well, but there you go. I sincerely hope you had yourself a merry little one, and did something rather than just gorge and watch telly.

Actually thats what I’ve been doing since Monday 22nd. I sincerely love turkey drenched in bread sauce and cranberry sauce…even in an economic downturn we actually had the best xmas meal to date, which was definitely upped by my somewhat cousin Ken Kobayashi’s impromptu performance after dinner! will tell you all you need to know if you’re an Air/Beta Band kinda guy/girl/snail.

Some of the day was also spent laughing at, a hilarious internet viral which is still doing the rounds. Ignore if you saw this back at the ole Y2K whilst working on an oldskool Mac with a colourful case…

Anyways, here’s an image which warmed my cockles (not).

Who needs warts?
Perry-Perry Sores: Random caption aimed at demonizing Katy, not Nandos

…Been out today, now that my cold has subsided. Shopping, would you believe?

Not a lot of music journalism haha, but instead I think I’ll write about Guitar Hero World Tour. I am absolutely crap at this game, terrible, useless, unless I play it on Easy which is fairly soul destroying in itself. No, I’m here to praise the game’s great producers for their fantastic animation of Billy Corgan (aka God). It is just fantastic to watch my favourite grungey slaphead in all his 3D glory.

Anyways, onto my fabulous xmas gifts for others, which included gems such as nothing and nowt (THIS IS THE BIT WHERE THREE GHOSTS COME AND SHOW ME THE ERROR OF MY WAYS ETC). However, I’m currently coverting my brother’s great new Student Cookbook, which features pictures of the multi-talented Sam Stern leaning up against food at markets, buying nuts, bartering for fish and doing other food-related things.

Ooh, and his recipes too of course, which feature a general overkill on the words ‘sexy’ and ‘well’  but still manage to remain tasty. He’s Jamie Oliver for girls who write their essays at 4am…well,anyone who CAN write, really.


I was watching a ‘most annoying’ list on tv last night, narrated by one of my favourite people: Richard Bacon. It was truly awful stuff (Eurovision? Jonas Brothers? Pete Doherty?) yet remained highly entertaining. I dont know what it is about watching ex-CBBC presenters earn their salt by taking the piss out of my second favourite kojak, Naomi Campbell, which is so gratifying. It’s gripping, especially some of the mud celebs would rather we forgot…Noel Edmond’s declaring that he hadn’t paid his TV license, I mean WHAT A RETARDED THING TO SAY ON THE NEWS?? Oh, its okay actually because Noel did pay his license, he just wanted to appear ‘cool’ and ‘rebellious’ by bragging about how he hadn’t been caught.

Salad tosserr.

New and highly entertaining concept:

Noel Edmonds presents Deal or No Deal dressed in outfit bought entirely from a flea market whilst he shows his nipples off a la Kate Moss, frenches Katy Perry’s dad and cooks eggs benedict a la Sam Stern. Cos that’s cool, right kids? Imagine cool Noel, Greentoothing the pictures on his RedBerry to his cool friends on Facenook…yeah…

I dont know why I’m hating on ‘inherently cool kids’ today, really, after all I am the epitome of London dress. There’s actually been a fire in Hoxton today, so maybe I should be careful what generalisations I make… I’m totally non-judgemental, really…not to be confused with some people’s desire to hate on ‘The Cool Kids’ who are actually a rather fine outfit (see ‘The Bake Sale’).

*Currently listening to:

Sweeney Todd soundtrack

THE film of the year, plus when I downloaded this, I got a digital booklet with lyrics about pies and murder! Can’t wait for the next Tim Burton offering – Alice In Wonderland…


Simon and Garfunkel

– The vintage summer cool of Mrs Robinson makes me want Pimms. Reminding myself it’s December via the use of a small heater in my room at night…Dickensian or what?


*Currently watching:

Not a lot…planning to watch 30 Rock (hilarious) and The Wire (so I can appear more intelligent with my televisual choices) pretty soon.

Bisous, I’m off to order some cheap clothes on the internet, and maybe my local branch of Woolworths. That was cruel and unfair and I apologize….


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My nose…

(8) My nose goes to yoga
Your nose – fruit roll-up
My nose – grade-A beef
Your nose – Mayday geek (8)

Kleenex cant bring me down
My Nose vs. Yours: Kleenex can't bring me down

Some self motivation for my bunged up beak via Mickey Avalon’s horrendous, poorly syntaxed smut-fest ‘My Dick’, and influenced by the hilarious book ‘Pop Charts’ by Paul Copperwaite. Actually, dont click that link cos I’m not in the Amazon Affiliates programme yet and wont get paid :p

Non-scrooge voice says click it, and whilst your browsing books maybe buy this too. I hate to think how this guy survives, having worn an NHS nurse’s school sex-ed prop as headgear on the interwebs…

I’m currently enjoying what is known to mere mortals as a cold or flu, as I mentioned briefly in yesterday’s post. I cant make my mind up which one it is yet, but its awfully annoying. Today I was meant to be go to HEAVEN (Westfield London), and with two days til crimbo, I’m contemplating implementing some kind of pulley system by which I can receive my presents and dinner without the bane that is human contact. *insert heinously unfunny apartheid joke*

Ever been blamed for spreading your cold around? Then you’ll know what I mean. I absolutely can’t understand how some people can play Cluedo over something so trivial, yet each year it seems to be ‘was it Hannah in the bedroom with the Olbas oil?’ Its not like im spreading STDS or subliminal callyourmothershesworriedaboutyou messages.

On a lighter note, here’s what I wore to Underage on Saturday for your viewing and disecting…

© Rachel Cosford
© Rachel Cosford


Bisous, I'm off to phone my 99 year old distant auntie
and spread some yuletide love, not germs or cracker jokes x x x

Underage Festival XMAS Special

Good evening Pips and Pipettes, everything is sweet with me, despite having a terrible cold!

Not only do I now own a fine pair of Ugg boots from the heaven that is Westfield London, along with the domain name, I have also had my first Dazed Digital article which is here!! yes click here!!

It got on the front page too, hence my excitement…


It is about the knees-up otherwise known as the Underage Festival Xmas Special, which I was lucky enough to attend a few days ago, and rather scarily it is unedited! Just my pure nonsense alone, then…anyways, read it et puis dis-moi ce que tu penses! I’m only taking comme ca because, on my way to the fest, I met some French lads and saved them from wandering aimlessly around Kings Cross 🙂

Album Review and notation

Here’s a review I wrote about a fantastic album a few months ago. Even though it has been out now for quite a while now, The Golden Mile by the Peth is a great gift for Christmas! Here’s what I thought of it:

The Golden Mile
The Peth (Strangetown)

You either love or hate Rhys ‘scarecrow hair, Notting Hill’ Ifans.
The good news it that he’s not a bad musician either, having once been part of the organic collective which forbore SFA. Away from the tabloids, his band, The Peth have made their debut with ‘The Golden Mile’.
It stuck its middle finger in my face from the first listen, but managed to delicately caress my cheek whilst it was there, too. Gravelly vocals and a punchy attitude sit comfortably with melodic yet gritty subject matter, à la Elbow. It is hedonistic, indulgent and lacking in general direction, but there was something endearing about it nevertheless.

The Golden Mile is about having a good time, as ‘Let’s Go Fucking Mental’ and ‘69 Fanny Street’ (just a street…no innuendo there…) would suggest.
All but a few of the ten tracks are ridiculously catchy, and fortunately steer clear of the pretentiously long guitar solos, gospel choirs and cameos which could easily spoil this album.
It would, however, be nicer to praise gruff Rhys (Ifans) without the possibility of confusion and comparison with, errm, Gruff Rhys and the band who have no doubt influenced this record.


Rhys Ifans Pictures, Images and Photos

Here’s a pic of Old Rhys himself masquerading as the Frosties kid. At Seaworld.

Single review and notation

Here’s a rather dated review, unfortunately.

It was one, however, which the NME team commended me on…so I’m rather proud of it.

Take one Southern, wholesome Christian girl and craft her into a warped Britney-Spears-meets-Dita-Von-Teese creation. Not much craft needed, you might argue, to breadcrumb gently and sex her up like a 2003 dossier.

After Frankenstein, Frankenstein’s Bride and Steve Brookstein came KATY PERRY. After all, Katheryn did sound dismally dyslexic didn’t it?

Katy Perry Pictures, Images and Photos

Looking more Circus than Brit herself here dressed in a gorgeous Manish Arora number for the MTV Awards, Perry seemed like she could be the next Gwen Stefani. Sans baby. Sans famous/successful partner (sorry, but dating Mr Cupid’s Chokehold makes you a target for some hardcore Supertramp fans. And maybe just some tramps as well).

…After all, Travis would probably end up ruining this guy’s Breakfast too…albeit at the Lidl car park, Southall…

Anyhow, I digress, as back in August I couldn’t be fooled by her faux-lesbian charm, which is why I wrote this:

Katy Perry
I Kissed A Girl (Virgin)

Perry screeches like Avril circa 2002, yet she can make you feel more uncomfortable than a bad summer heat rash. An upbeat tune which is club friendly but only because it will be played so loudly that her supposedly “risqué” lyrics could be anything. Blatantly playing on the Daily Mail controversy of it all, she presents contrived, unoriginal ideas over and over again. It’s squeamishly laboured with clichés about Chapstick lips, plus a badly-scanning ‘boyfriend’ line, desperately added in – probably on the advice of management. Poor girl even blames the drink…just in case we thought she was Tipping The Velvet. We didn’t anyway.*

*December 2008:

There are so many reasons to love Santa Barbara, California, besides Katy Perry having possibly, maybe, perhaps, once upon a time, curiously, wondrously stared at a girl’s legs during games class, whilst growing up  in the shadow of the real riot girls of the 80s and 90s. Unfortunately political lesbianism throughout the ages was supposed to liberate women and disassociate men, rather than turn them on. This isn’t so much as political as professional.

I do recommend, in lieu of Katy, Joan Jett – a bonafide lesbian but, besides that, she can actually sing. Right now ‘the real Katy’ as we are supposed to believe, sounds like ‘the obviously unreal and oversexed’ Britney cover of Jett’s I love Rock and Roll which was well…cringeworthy. debut

Howdy…now there’s a word familiar to WordPress users!
More subliminally indulgent than Yvan Eht Nioj, I have been persuaded by the voices which lurk on the internet to leave Blogger and come to WordPress. So here’s some work from Summer 2008 which I’ve been meaning to share out here. I had the pleasure of meeting Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man along with my matey Katherine whilst we whiled away the summer at NME.
The full article is as follows, although I do prefer the edit, which is here on the fabulous!

    Interview with Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man – Katherine Hardy and Hannah Davies caught up with the band during the recording of their new Opus.

Words: Hannah Davies, Images: Katherine Hardy

Katherine and I have been asked to come to a converted synagogue (now a recording studio) in Bethnal Green to meet up with heavily punctuated London four-piece Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man.
Frederick Blood-Royale (the fittingly eloquent stage name of the articulate Frontman Frederick Macpherson) has been joined in this band by fellow ex-Les Incompétents members Thomas Gunnzs and Jareth. They reprise their roles here on bass and guitar respectively, with newbie Eduard Quarmby on drums. We conduct the interview around a wooden dining table in the kitchen. They’re crowded around the G2 crossword collectively guessing at words, minus Jareth who is lost in the, errm, Labyrinth of a building.

This seems an apt venue for a band who reference so much religious and mythological imagery. A track from their first Opus is entitled ‘Thanatos’ after the Daemon personification of Death and Mortality in Greek mythology. But they still manage to feel like the achingly cool Sunday school in the attic. The band are here to record their second Opus – a new term for the approximately ½ hour EPs they will be releasing every six months.
“Everyone’s complaining that no-one’s buying music anymore, but no-one’s trying to find new ways of putting out music. We can release more consistently, but maybe not as much.” Fred says. He admits that this style of release won’t get them into the charts, but that doesn’t really seem to be his objective. He doesn’t like the structure of release these days. We all laugh for a while about the obligatory Justice remix which I suggest is the norm nowadays, but Macpherson isn’t led off course for long. But he is witty, suggesting far worse outfits than Justice for a remix.

There is the issue of pricing as well…will they be doing a give away à la ‘In Rainbows’?
Not quite, but he tells us that the new 30 minute Opus will only be five or six pounds and even cheaper on download.
FM: “I just think basically people need to feel like they’re not being cheated when they’re buying music. I’m not for illegal downloading but I can understand someone being charged £12.99 for 10 tracks of turgid music and some shoddy booklet and they know they’re going to have to wait another 2 years before the next album, it makes you feel slightly disenchanted.”

He’s not too picky about format, as his beloved religious artwork will still be available with downloads. This hard-sell is not because of the money, he assures us, but just because he wants to be able to make music again, and that will “require people to buy it…or I’ll get a job at H&M”. Funnily enough I can’t imagine him flogging slim-fit shirts at Brent Cross if it all goes belly up.

As for the material itself, Macpherson comments that “This is darker yet also lighter [than our past projects]…like a child buried underground, but its parents know it’s still alive.” Hopefully the infanticide was a joke.
He happily contradicts himself as he speaks of the band being “less poppy but also the most poppy stuff [he’s done yet], more rocky, more alternative [than his previous bands].”

But Ox.Eagle seem serious enough about their music. Collaborations, musically or otherwise, on the horizon?
“Werner Herzog… and Phil Redmond,” Fred says, definitely. The group agree both times, and although it’s often hard to tell whether Fred’s being sarky, he seems to have a genuine obsession. “Just put Jordache down, NME readers will understand” he assures us. As he muses on how he is the proud owner of the VHS one-offs to Brookside, it is easy to sense his lighter side coming through. The child buried underground is one he seems to have borrowed from a Brookie storyline, too.

Despite all this weirdness, and the fact that they want to have a secret launch party for their second Opus at a branch of Chariots Roman Baths (not a Roman bath at all but a gay sauna), Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man seem a remarkably interesting, and interested, collective.

• The second Opus from Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man is due out later this year on Transgressive.
Interview conducted at Empire Studios, 33a Wadeson St, E2.
Check OELM out at