Hannah J Davies . com » london

The Darling Collective and more…

crystaltipps — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 19:20:51 +0000

Hey readers,

Have you ever wanted to start a business? Its one of my personal dreams for the future, and whether its a patisserie or a media empire I can probably see myself going a similar way as Charlie Beall, who tried out a few different careers before launching online boutique directory the Darling Collective, where users can find quirky, high quality local businesses and services. After growing up in South Africa, Charlie moved to the UK in his teens and studied at Cambridge, after which he became involved in the arts rather than business. He worked as a musician and actor before mixing creativity with entrepreneurship to make what he describes as “a place for unique activities delivered by amazing, uncompromising people”. His background, which includes time working for a talent agency before retraining in marketing in the media and publishing sectors, means that Charlie brings an interesting skill set to his new business, which combines a fair trade approach and unique services. But how does Charlie’s business actually work? I found out from the man himself.

Can boutique chic convert Generation Pile Em High?

- How did the idea come about for the site?

While I’ve always been interested in digital technology, I spent most of the time after leaving university doing one small-scale artistic project or another. I was an actor and played in a couple of bands. I organised club nights, DJ’d, worked on music videos and hung out with a lot of creative people.

A number of my friends were really skilled in areas such as photography, acting, jewellery making and wanted to use these skills to make a bit of extra money or to start a business. It struck me that they didn’t have a platform where they could market themselves… certainly not one that curated only the best.

Yes, there’s editorial and press, yes there are classifieds or listings sites, yes there are daily deal sites but we try to do something different – somewhere our users could come because its a trusted source of great things to do.

So that’s what we’re doing. We’re not there yet but we are creating a community of businesses (often individuals with a skill) that support one another under an umbrella of quality, loyalty and uniqueness. That takes time to build but it’s time worth investing.

- What is your personal favourite of the services up for offer on the site?

That’s like asking a parent which is their favourite child – even if I have one I couldn’t possibly tell you which one it is

Xanthe Milton (Cookie Girl) runs baking and cake decorating classes which can be booked via Charlie's site

- What has been the most fun to test out?

Quite simple… the Chocolate Ecstasy Tour of Mayfair was pure indulgence. We were really lucky that there was some walking in between each venue, just to work up enough of an appetite to keep going. Here’s our review: http://blog.darlingcollective.com/?p=146

- Your motto is “nothing corporate, nothing standard”…how does this fit in with your own ideology as an entrepreneur, and what is your background business-wise?

‘Nothing corporate, nothing standard’ is as much my own personal ethos as it is the motto of the site and the types of things we list. I’m increasingly meeting other people who share this view – there is growing dissatisfaction about the one-size-fits-all high street shops that we have to shop in, the mass produced food we have available to us and the poor service we receive from people who have no vested interest in the job they’re doing. When people work on a small scale, for themselves or for a business where their personal input makes a difference, customers are treated better and usually they deliver a great experience or product.

Granted, industrialisation has commodified what were once luxuries, delivering economies of scale that allow more people access to things like televisions and washing machines at cheaper prices and I think that generally this is a good thing. However, the flip side is that more people now work in soulless call-centres or scanning barcodes rather than doing something that’s connected with what they’re producing or offering. The result is disenchantment, bad service, poor product quality and ultimately a bad customer experience.

I’m not advocating a return to pre-industrial times, just a bit more balance… I think we have been guilty of throwing the baby out with the bathwater, in that by increasing the efficiencies and processes that go into making and doing things, we’ve lost some of the personal touch that brings meaning to our lives.

That’s why I built the site- as a conduit for these types of people to thrive. You may not necessarily pay more for the artisanal services we list, but you will always receive a personal service of the kind that some people idealise in reminiscences of days when people knew their local butcher or tailor.

The Darling Collective allows you to shop with a clean conscience, knowing that what you’re getting is of a really high standard, but also supports a local small business by giving them the price they deserve for their service.

As far as my business background is concerned, I’ve always gravitated towards smaller organisations run by passionate people. I try to surround myself with dynamic, energetic, positive people. I’ve never been at home in the corporate environment. I am fascinated by people who have an idea and then make it happen.

- Finally, what’s next for the Darling Collective in 2012?

We have four goals for 2012…

1. Expand the categories: we don’t have enough bee-keepers or gin tasters on the site yet!

2. Find more hidden gems: we have rigorous standards so can’t list every business out there, but I know there are more than the ones I know about so Send Mail

">please do get in touch if you’d like us to review what you do.

3. Go national: we decided to test the idea in London first but my goal in 2012 is to expand to other areas in the UK.

4. Keep doing what we’re doing: we’re proud of the start we’ve made and my message to all of the Darling Collective team and our partners is to stick to our guns, despite tough economic times. The good will out.

*Business success or gone bust in 2011? I’d like to hear from more entrepreneurs in 2012 – mail me, hannah [at] hannahjdavies.com

Discrimination isn’t right, but the future isn’t necessarily orange…

French dating site Adopte Un Mec (Adopt A Guy), has just hosted a rather unusual promotion. It’s quite an odd site to begin with; women are invited to add potential dates to an imaginary basket, all of whom are ranked by tongue-in-cheek categories like “ease of use”. Rather than feeling like an exercise in female liberation, however, it smacks of gimmickry. As a result, unlike sites like eHarmony, which boasts of being able to match up couples so well that they often end up getting married, or even Tastebuds, which relies on the slightly more tenuous methodology of musical compatibility, Adopte Un Mec’s flippant layout is the Tesco.com of dating sites. Matchsticks.com, if you like. It’s so subversively stupid it’s gotta be a postfeminist joke, right?
I digress – the tagline for the site’s unusual promotion read ”série spéciale carottes, cultivez-les avec soin” (carrot special, cultivate them with care), and encouraged women to contact redheaded guys “pour voir la vie en orange”. An obvious joke, the website banner boasted a picture of a Napoleon Dynamite lookalike and was an adept marketing ploy shared with the site’s 100,000 or so Facebook fans.
It was a campaign that aimed to laugh with redheads rather than at them, but it left me feeling uneasy nonetheless. As a lapsed redhead (years of intervention to have titian tresses = less pre-Rafaelite, more post-apocolyptic), I’ve never understood the random abuse and ridicule associated with red hair. South Park’s “soulless” jibes circa 2005 are about as funny as eugenics, e.g not at all…
One thing I understand even less than unprovoked jibes, however, is overcompensating for this form of ignorance. X Factor’s ex-ginger Kitty Brucknell whining to the tabloids about being forced to dye her hair blonde was an insincere waste of column inches. Likewise, articles championing Lily Cole/Prince Harry/Christina Hendricks/Florence Welch (delete as appropriate) can seem saccharine when they reference hair colour in their opening paragraphs, and only two of those are real redheads anyway. People aren’t talented/pretty/interesting etc. because of their hair colour, but it feels as though the message is that they’ve succeeded in spite of it. Unnecessary pity only seems to undermine the egalitarian world (jk) we supposedly live in.
A note to Adopte Un Mec, then: 1. your concept might be inventive but subjecting redheads to positive discrimination is patronising and certainly not de rigeur. Imagine if the US brought back affirmative action towards African Americans – a slightly more drastic example here but a worrying regressive comparsion nonetheless. We should be judging people on their merits, not giving them a virtual leg-up they probably don’t want… or need. 2. A joke is supposed to be funny. Nul points.

Lily Cole - supermodel, first from Cambridge: we shouldn't laugh at you Lily, nor give you special treatment

Happy 2012

Three years of hannahjdavies.com and counting. Major thanks to everyone I’ve worked with this year, and to you for reading. Have a brilliant new year.
P.s. I’m in Word magazine out on Jan 12th reviewing a fresh look at Bob Dylan, wahey!

xxx

I Spy July

crystaltipps — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 02:58:09 +0000

Evening readers, and welcome to my monthly cocktail of filth and stories about the inside of d-lister’s noses. I’m sure there’s no incriminating white fluff up there, girl who won Pop Idol in 2005 etc etc.

Anyways, it struck me as odd that I’ve literally never seen a celebrity doing normal stuff like shopping and drinking meal replacement shakes, even though I hang out all over London like a lost urchin with a curly mullet. So, I decided to ask some other people to email me with what they’ve seen celebrities doing, and I think I have done better than NOW magazine (seriously, the best they had last week was two BB6 people or something shopping for sausage rolls at Greggs. Guffaw.)

From: Chiponmyshoulder@noparentalsupervisonorguidance.uk.net

Dear Hannah,

John Frieda was giving bowl cuts to kids on my ruff lundun estate and insuring them that they look just like Ziggy/Zammo, just sans the frizz…All the working class kitchen sink grit of his Polish ancestry shines through…NO. I tried to just say no but free haircuts only happen twice: once from publicity-hungry celebrities and the other in the Army. I’m too young to die, so I chose the ‘accept offer from Sheer Blonde creator’ option. I am going to be called soft forever, but thats ok because I work at B&Q and my sister’s bastard son was box 16 on Deal or No Deal once…so I must be straight.

(I actually think he was very brave to email us with this picture…after all, there is a place where people with teeth like his often end up…it starts with Beachy and ends with Head)

From: Taylormomsen@chacecrawfordtaylormomsenleightonmeester.com

Good day Hannah,

Richard Bacon was eating errrm a bacon sandwich outside a synagogue in North London. Incensed our group of friendly Jewish lawyers…I would’ve confronted him there and then but we must be home before sundown on a Friday (ready for Jonathan Ross presumably).

(Another brave, brave soul who – rather than confront Bacon on his crime for fear of sinning – actually decided to call a lawyer and try to settle away from court for a great deal of his assets (flat, car, signed poster of Rachel Stevens). Good on you Mr’s Chace, Crawford , Taylor , Momsen, Leighton and Meester).

From: lindsaylohan@

icantgetlaid.nu

Hiii Hannah <3

Saw your best UK export since like, the Queen, that sexy Cat Deeley snogging a butch woman in LA…no one noticed because said butch woman was probably C.D’s effeminate identikit lover JACK HUSTON. I’m definitely not jealous that she is going out with someone who is 89% Johnny Depp and 11% Morticia Addams, because I am a bonafide lesbian. No 89% men allowed! A woman needs a man like a fish needs a tricycle! xXx ps: that said, any directors I can hang with y’know, get me some film roles maybe? Ten year hiatus sucks when your Coke Fund runs dry, eh?

(Good choice, Linz <3, don’t think you’ve really been the same since you did Freaky Friday. Maybe it was that time you spent as Jamie Lee-Curtis…)

From:

oh_my_god_twilight_sucks_even_though_i_stalk_rpattz

@ironichaircutz.tv

Hey Harriet J Davids i super love your website…I’m a 13 year old girl who is definitely not a 50 year old man LOL. Anywho, KStew and TLautz buying garlic and rabbits paws and copies of the Mormon biblein this totally hip and uber ironic shop called like yeah I dont remember because I picked heroin and Oreos for breakfast. Bad choice. But like, you should keep yourself safe before an interview with a vampire and such, bbz…sorry, I hear my goddamn blackberry… must dash, it could be one of the girls from The Hills, i put my PIN on a facebook group and have been so popular ever since LOLZ – gunshot

(It’s funny how much she looks like a stock image…maybe she is a model…or more likely she works in a video store like one of the sad kids in Scream, desperately downloading Neve Campbell screensavers for special time. I like inappapropriate italics.)

____________________________________________

ANYWAYS, moving swiftly on – THANKS AGAIN – Cathryn Innocent & I have started an exciting, brand new, never seen before website in the past month!

BELLEJAM.com is a place where us two crazy gimps hope to engage and entertain our readership with photojournalism, reviews, etc…its a HANNAHJDAVIES offshoot so I know that if you like this, you will LOVE Bellejam.com!!

Log on if only for my review of the J Depp/C Bale film Public Enemies!

(Image: C. Innocent)
____________________________________________________________________________

Bands I’ve seen – Jul 09 – o2 wireless festival, london; featured great performances from Kanye West (electriying even solo) and the Noisettes among many others. Fun day out, got plenty of freebies and had Domino’s from a van…

(Fan photography by myself – Shingai from the Noisettes shortly before a massive wardrobe malfunction rendered her indecent for a period. My friend and I were pretty close up as you can see…singing along and invariably gaining cigarette burns and beer in our respective hair [especially during Calvin Harris]. All good fun though…)

Ken Kobayashi band (see here for my interview with the man himself) in Brixton, along with The Thirst and others…really buzzing gig which also featured some cheeky chappy burlesque).

____________________________________________________________________________

+++ MORE MORE MORE: coming soon when the Bellejam.com girlies (Cathryn and myself) go to the Underage Festival with !!! I can’t wait to chat artistes with Santo/igold and enjoy some Dubstep from Rusko & Caspa!I’ll keep posting after the festival!

Til next time, bonne nuit (yes, I teach French on the side)

x x x x

PS: massive massive huge congratuwelldone to this woman:

…if you’re not sure who she is and you are under the age of 30, then you maybe you should consider a career in caving…i mean that in the nicest way possible for such a facety remark. K to the Rissi!!

My big April adventure

crystaltipps — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 21:00:11 +0000

…And here you were thinking I was overaxaggerating. I might not have been raised by animals to sing Disney songs this

month, BUT I did have a great month regardless. My new nickname is Mowgli – given by a dear friend but disliked nonetheless. Why can’t a girl be a bit free with her massive curly hair and poor make-up regime, without being compared to a fictional eunuch, eh?

Anyhow, I digress: this month I appeared on the popular BBC programme Question Time, which was a laugh-and-a-half

…okay, it was a serious show featuring political prowess BUT it was as close to TV fame as I’m gonna get now that Jungle Run is a distant memory. I always wanted a bike/scooter/Gameboy colour.

Question Time was a great experience, and one that I won’t forget in a hurry despite not getting my massive gob on TV. And I met David Dimbleby (legend) who listened to my views on the control of policing despite being on his way off to the pub

Click here to watch the episode…and watch out for my masses of hair…

X women at the X crawl/bad attempt at timely Marvel pun?

←

Anyways, this month I also went down to the Camden X Crawl for the lovely Artrocker.tv. You can read all about my exploits with my great friend Cathryn Innocent of Cathryn photography here. The X Crawl was a great event, hence my piece, and great photos like this poser with My Passion bassist and general sweetheart Simon Rowlands ↓

I have now decided, however, that based on that experience I am never leaving home sans pen, paper and BlackBerry ever again, having made a crazeee dash to Sainsbury’s for interviewing supplies. Once and never again…I had difficulty self-scanning my items, as always…

Just to reiterate, click above for the article and read ALL ABOUT IT.

____________________________________________________________________________

Here’s a humorous picture of me to lighten the mood of this thoroughly disjointed entry:

Shall I go blonde? Hmmm…either way, dressing as Alice In Wonderland for my friend Emily’s birthday party (British themed) was a true eye-opener to the great hair debate. Suddenly I was crazily energetic and carefree…no longer a sensible, coy brunette…

Actually, I think I look a bit like Dolly Parton myself…

I feel slightly lazy today due to flu (not of the swine variety, hopefully), so here’s something I cooked up earlier, a review of Mad Men, a show which I love so dearly. It’s in a classy font, and not-so-subtly followed by pictures of this month’s ‘Old Man Crush’, Jon Hamm. It’s a fantastic show – BBC4, 10pm, Tuesdays are the place to be for the vintage stuff (which unfortunately has to end next week as the magnificent 2nd season draws to a close)…

Truly MADly Deeply

Mutually Assured Delight has swept over my TV screen, as I’ve prepared to stage some wholly pretentious conversations about advertising, glamour and aestheticism. Yes, I’ve been watching Mad Men for all of twelve weeks, and I’m gripped.

Dapper men (such as the gorgeous protagonist Don Draper, played by Jon Hamm), Brycreemed to the max and trying it on with their secretaries, their clients’ wives or whoever happens to be nearest to the Xerox: check. The underappreciated wives; neglected whilst their husbands devise great copy for Clearasil, or ‘spend a little time’ with the aforementioned floozies: check. The deficient 2.4 children, putting the nuclear into nuclear family, making cocktails for mummy and daddy, and being berated in a terrific style for asking such uncouth classics as “are we rich?” Check.

Mad Men has stolen my Tuesday nights and transported them into a bourgeoisie world, which smells of smoke and sex and classy instrumentals. It honestly looks like a real 1980s made-for-tv-movie set in the 50s; such is the realism, the costumery and the expert camerawork. Mad Men is the truth behind both the tension and allure of the office, and I would give anything to be part of a fantasy which includes Elnett in a starring role.

–

Old Man Crush status = in progress.

Stuff I like this month:

1 – Lush beauty stuff – nuff said. It’s LUSHious. and most of the products look like fudge…

2 – Festivals – counting down the days to Reading ’09!

3 – Afghani food – for the world food lover

4- My new banner, which is slightly stretched but very beautiful:

AND,

STUFF I DONT!

1 – Exams. I know that’s a stupid thing to say because we all NEED qualifications, but its the stress and hypochrondria that gets me!

2 – Swine flu. Just ‘cos.

3 – Weird coldcallers. You know who you are! I’ll ave ya for dinner!

x x x x

The Lady Is a Tramp

crystaltipps — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 23:00:45 +0000

…sang Lily Allen back in December when she appeared with other ‘celebs’ to see the new year in with Jools Holland. Was she singing about a certain ‘Lady’, or simply reciting a song chosen by her mangagement, is the baffling question which I would now love to disect, whether or not you actually care

A TALE OF TWO CITIES (AND THEIR DAHLINGS):

In the blue corner, LDN’s Tesco-Alfresco Finest, Lily Allen…

The obligatory fairytale: Once upon a time, an unconvincing indie ‘grimesterrrrr’ turned into an unconvincing LA dahling. First propelled to fame by daddy dearest after enjoying a supposedly awful unbringing, said ‘grimesterrrrr’ turned being a brat into her career.

Likes to… : Cringeworthily cry about how fat, ugly and talentless she is via MySpace like a 13 year old emo, cuss down other female celebrities, play dress up at boutiques, complain about ‘old men’ stalking her with ‘long-lens cameras’. Firstly, zoom is usually not a good thing (see Now’s ‘Circle of Shame’ etc…you know…VPLs, sweat patches, cellulite, etc). Secondly, not all paparazzi are old. In fact, some are young and date celebrities (admittedly only sleazy ones like Britney’s ex Adnan Ghalib…)

Most likely to say: I’m just a normal lundun gal, honest…ooh but Chanel shoes are amazing!!

In the red corner, LA-LA land fruit-loop Lady GaGa (1)…see also GaGa – (2) – noun, a liar or an impersonator, i.e.: Lily Allen pulled a GaGa last week…

The obligatory fairytale: There was once a singer who seemed to be the poster girl for post op success. In fact, she was a woman, but besides that she was totally fake, so much so that everything from her long ‘platinum’ hair (read: ‘peroxide and hair extension partayy’) to her KKK-at-Christmas costume (see right) may have made people assume she was once Little Mr Riding hood… Or in a No Doubt tribute band…

Likes to… : Party, presumably? She went to school with Paris Hilton, which seems to say a lot about this Lady’s attitude. ‘Just Dance’ definitely doesn’t ask to be followed with the words ‘but it’s 3am and I’m too tired!!’ I imagine that she practices her moves whilst doing ordinary stuff like say…walking over men wearing stilletos and busting into random houses (this didn’t take much of the video to said song to asscertain..)

Most likely to say: “Just Dance”, “Just Drink…Probably No Rohypnol In There”, “Just Get In The Kiddies’ Paddling Pool And Ride Shamu With Me”, “Just Rent Some Friends For The Night”…

HERE WE GO…

Hannahjdavies.com takes an indepth look at the two high-living ‘heirheads’…:

It’s always been okay to have multiple occupations. Unless your name really is Martine McCutcheon, then you can be a singer moonlighting as an actress and vice versa; a reality TV star turned perfumer turned writer; you can even be famous just for the size of your assets, whether they’re paper, bricks or simply silicone. However, projecting an image of classiness and professional standard is always advised, first and foremost. How can one talk about money in the press let alone brag about a bank balance which makes Miley Cyrus’ paycheque look like child abuse?

1. Ange's pouty lips and hot hair scream smouldering screen siren, rather than just screaming like a siren

The trick is not to go in for all out P-O-S-H, whether you were born so or have recently acquired your squillions (the idea being that one obviously didn’t go to finishing school in Switzerland if one feels the need to prefix her name with a word with makes the real aristocracy cringe, (right Vickaaaay Beckham?) and if one did, then one obviously didn’t take much away from their education other than a Blackberry crammed full of viscounts and heiresses Pins…)

2. Paris shows that showing off isn't always necessary, in a £30 dress from Brit store Dorothy Perkins...

Anyhow, I digress. The idea is to hint to a life well lived rather then advertise it, neon sign and all. The Cuban cigars in the ashtray and the red soles of your Louboutins will tell your illustrious story without the ‘umms’, ‘likes’ and references to that ‘thing’ you had with Russell Brand.

(Not unless that actually IS the story…take note 2008′s Georgina Bailie (aka Andrew Sach’s granddaughter)).

Basically, it’s all about “keeping it real”…or giving the illusion that you’ve kept it real. Nouveau riche is a brassy and un-classy look, and, having heaped a title onto herself, I expected so much more from one such madame.

US export Lady GaGa – real name Joanne Stefani Germanotta – not only went to school with and dresses like Donatella Versace but also sings, quite repetitively, of her obsession with money (see “Money Honey”), fame (not just on title track “The Fame”), the paparazzi (eponymous ditty “Paparazzi” says it all), men (“Boys, Boys, Boys”), champagne (name checked a fair few times) and Hollywood (I just couldn’t listen to anymore of this pretentious twaddle by then, sorry).

Hearing her repeat “we’re beautiful and dirty rich” over and over again without a hint of sarcasm or irony or modesty or gratitude is quite depressing, honestly. In times of economic struggle, GaGa’s material obsession seems to amount to little substance. In fact, I think if you left this Stefani in a petri dish overnight, then maybe she would dissolve into a perfectly formed mountain of glitter.

I say this simply because she is glamourous, shiny and overtly sexual, yet totally and utterly boring. There’s less lyrical depth than the previously mentioned paddling pool on “The Fame”, and the title was annoyingly etched into her fly-eye glasses on the cover (because rich people do stupid things like that, surely?)

A true child of the mid-80s, she unfortunately still appears to erk back to a time when stress meant glamour, glamour meant money and money meant financial security and happiness in the bottom of an expensive bottle.

= modern day slavery...

Oddly enough, the next single to hit (and consequently inflict GB onto) my ears after “Just Dance” (translation: Christina Aguliera rip-off writhes around and commands us to follow her in doing so for a tiring 4:10), was Lily’s latest, “The Fear”, from her new album “It’s Not Me, It’s You”. It is catchier than anything from the GaGa stable, yet annoyingly it is just another song about flashing the cash (and I mean this literally – in the video Lily parades around with dancing hotel staff à la Rick Astley). As for the astronomical amount of swearing which fag-ash Lil manages to pack into this 3:45 homage to money (and Gordon Ramsay?), I was totally appalled. That and her moronic, hopefully ironic, lyrics about learning that people die whilst mining diamonds. Did she bunk all of her Citizenship lessons, one has to wonder?

Being two girls who enjoyed privileged upbringings to say the least, both Lady GaGa and Lily Allen are doing a fantastically unconvincing job of sounding like the aforementioned grimy, dirty gold diggers, and are identical in every way, from their blunt eye-skimming fringes and hair extensions to their piss-poor lyrics.

I’d rather have real chavs turned princesses any day.

In fact, here’s the real winner:

x x x x

Watching: Mad Men…I sense an upcoming feature about this amazing show…

Activity of the week month: Tweeting about various things, which is totally not egocentric whatsoever.

Listening to: the sound of my own voice. N*Sync (no lie).

I’m Back In The World…

crystaltipps — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 21:21:47 +0000

…of Hannahjdavies.com. Sigh in relief, breathe deeply, sigh again. Read How I’ve missed writing! I’ll be back on February 16th (yes, double dose this month), in a collaboration with the photographer from the feature below!!:

- INNOCENT IN AN INNER CITY SENSE

Hope you’re well…I certainly am! Yesterday was spent adding 98 – yes, 98 – obscure songs to my iPod from Nick Drake to *NSYNC, whilst today I became a model-cum-photography-assistant whilst helping the fabulous Cathryn Photography to comprise a set which I nicknamed ‘Playtime’ because we had regressed towards the swings, roundabouts and monkey bars of a park we often frequented in our time of extreme youth.

It was incredibly cold, despite the little glimmers of sunlight of which were bouncing off Cathryn’s lense. She’s a newbie on the scene, but you wouldn’t guess it – the way she squints whilst looking for the perfect shot and occasionally gives us our marching orders is throughly Vogue. She has comprimised a mental list of some shots, utlising props such as a copy of To Kill A Mockingbird and a satin cushion. Model one (but hardly Models One) is me, and I’m dressed in an attire which pages homage to punk rock and Ronald McDonald (yes, as it is an FAQ that is my real hair).

Rachel – model two – was styled more like an abandoned prom night date/Fred Perry employee, but still managed to look gorgeously waif-like. She has the kind of toussled curls which are the envy of GHD users everywhere, unfortunately for me. The wind keeps lashing my curls across my eyes (ouch!) and mouth (sticky, eww) but the shoot still turns out to be rather fun, and an eye-opener to the predicaments of a model.

Pout or smile?

Lipstick or gloss?

To the left….or to the right?

It’s enough to make me reach of a bottle of (Laura) Bailey’s…

____________________________________________________________________________________________

-DON’T CHA WISH YA GIRLFRIEND WAS A FREAK MACHINE LIKE ME? PROBS NOT.

On another note, here is the amazing ‘Freak Machine’ by The 9000…and if you look very closely at around 1:55 you’ll spot me on the right. This was my first – and possibly last – experience of being in a music video, and it is a pretty damn good one. Like Daft Punk, Justice, etc? Then check this out…and be sure to laugh at our super slow facial movements:

____________________________________________________________________________________________

- KEN KOBAYASHI’S AMAZING ALBUM!!

I received a jiffy bag this week, and inside was a pre-release copy of ‘My Big Foot Over The Sky’ by the wonderful Ken Kobayashi. Of course, I’ve played it half to death, put it onto my ancient iPod and choreographed a dance to it which would make the Beyonce team’s eyes water, and am aching to tell you all about it next month! Expect not even a soupcon of malice towards this record from me, basically…

____________________________________________________________________________________________

-FASHION UPDATE: Han’o'Meter

Tarts – Bare legs, long boots, a cami, shorts and a kaftan. In the middle of winter. Our thermostats have obviously been installed in America mode with Barack Obama now King of The World. Chavvy.

Tartan – still doing it for me, even after a cold winter. Just don’t team clashing tartans or put tartan with its younger brother, check…you might look like one of those twins from Skins…

Primark – ‘slave labour’ from Manchester to Mumbai. Seams that come apart after a few days. Itchy cloth. Shoplifting year 7s. Uncool.

Primates – Konnie Huq’s voice as she introduces us to Zoo Days on Channel 5. Makes Beanie Babies look passé tbh…

Squeaky doors – lubrication for the nation…please??

Sliding Doors – just everything about chance meeting sets my heart a flutter and restores my faith in humanity. I’ve been saved from verbal abuse by a lionheart in Lyle and Scott, and even got a free lolly from a neighbour I’d never met. Oh, and I appeared in a music video cos I was in the right place at the right time…

Skins – dodgier than a week old kebab… stay away unless you want to catch the mental equivelent of salmonella.

Skin – it feels really nice with a light spritz of Body Shop’s coconut oil cream…except I keep wanting to lick my arms.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

GRANDES BISES, REMEMBER TO CHECK BACK ON FEBRUARY 16TH FOR MORE!

x x x x